im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
