I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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