if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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