i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
