So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
