Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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