ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
