I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
