what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my being single is dangerous.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Couch. On fire.
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