Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
