i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
