and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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