it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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