I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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