just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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