they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
