Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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