my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
