Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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