I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
