My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
