Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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