Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
