I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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