I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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