also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish you could order shots online.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
