Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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