i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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