Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
