some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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