I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
