youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
