Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
