So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
