I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
