More tranny stories later!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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