I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
