i jhust puked up my retainher.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
