i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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