You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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