Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
