Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
