Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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