Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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