I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
