So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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