Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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