So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
