I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
