So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I need to stop coming to work sober
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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