I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
