The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
