peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
