How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
