her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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