I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
