I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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