She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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