Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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