Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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