I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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