It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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