She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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