Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
