About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
